its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
