47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
