Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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