it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
