we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
