Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
