Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
