Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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