I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I looked at my own cervix.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
