i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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