i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my shit smells like andre
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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