Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
