remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
