My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she peed on how many people?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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