dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
