you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
