Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
