Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
