@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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