I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
