Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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