I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
