Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
