Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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