I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
