My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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