your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
