I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
