i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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