I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You are a genius and a whore.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
