I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
