Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
