i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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