she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
