I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There r osticjed everywhere
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
