Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
