I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
