Don't make out with my wife yet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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