Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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