nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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