I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
