We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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