the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
