You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
