awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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