I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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