I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My dick has a subreddit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
