I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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