so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
