my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
