My nipple is on Facebook.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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