Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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